Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
