I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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