She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
