You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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