i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
