kristin has been a bad kristin
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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