You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
