you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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