I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
