Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
