Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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