I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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