I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
