Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
