id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you would pick up someone in the library
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
