elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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