My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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