We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
