I love black thongs
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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