you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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