Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
