it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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