Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
