just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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