I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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