I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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