I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
