My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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