hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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