you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
