I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
