come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
