He asked to "fluff my boner.."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
