I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
