Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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