Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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