Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize