So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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