I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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