just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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