I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize