Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
