the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
