I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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