we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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