How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
