It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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