Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
