My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
