She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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