The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
