waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
