Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
