capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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