Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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