My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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