shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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