you guys were way drunker than both of me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
