ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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