Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
