An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
