Got a toothbrush?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
