i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
