That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
