great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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