we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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