remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
