it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize