mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
