the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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