It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
